好人,好父母?

For those of 您 reading this who would like to have children, I have a question. Do 您 have an idea in 您r mind of the type of parent 您 would like to be?

Perhaps 您 know exactly how 您 will mother or father. Maybe it doesn’t go that far and 您 haven’根本没有最详细地考虑过它。顺便问一下,我是T。

我对事情将会如何,可能会如何– but I didn’真的不喜欢它。一世’我是一个好人,我喜欢思考。所以好人,一定等于好父母。不是吗

I’m not sure that’是的。不是我想我’我是坏父母我尽我所能,我爱儿子的骨头。但是我’米远没有完美。事实上,我无处可去’d绝不假装其他。

Now for those of 您 reading who are already parents, I’d be interested to hear whether 您 have found 您rself handling parenthood differently than 您 thought 您 might?

对我来说,我对自己最大的惊讶是我管理纪律的方式。在奥斯卡之前,我认为在抑制测试行为时我会穿裤子。我以为詹姆斯会比我更柔软。成为奥斯卡去找我的人。一世’我不确定为什么我要承担这些责任,但是我做到了,’直到很明显这不是我想到的那种情况’d从我自己那里悄悄地期望着这一点。这种有建设性地责骂和教导我儿子世界是非的能力。

事实是,自奥斯卡出生以来的793天,我’ve慢慢地(但可以肯定地)意识到,这是我迄今为止作为母亲最大的失败。我非常努力地告诉奥斯卡。詹姆斯可以指挥奥斯卡 ’的注意。我似乎太软了。在这一点上,现在我尝试改变机智以使其成为育儿中一种平衡的方法,并且因为坦率地说,我们的儿子必须尊重我们并倾听我们的意见–这证明是不小的壮举。时而他一次又一次’我会以我的语气来表示我的意思,在很多时候他的反应都是对我微笑。或哭泣/发脾气。或者只是完全不理我,拒绝与他人目光交流。他是一个意志坚强,固执的小家伙。

我无法坚定地坚持下去,给我们的家庭单位造成了麻烦。或者至少是’这是我遇到的主要问题’m about to discuss.

For those of 您 who have children, 您’ll hopefully be able to relate when I say, 您 know when 您r child favours one parent over the other?

这是我们面临的问题。六个月来最好的时间,奥斯卡一直以来都偏爱我而不是詹姆斯。当他们一对一时,他很好。有时候我们俩都在他身边’这是一个问题。但是在10天内,奥斯卡会在某些方面间歇性地给詹姆斯带来困难。

那么,困难时期是什么意思?奥斯卡将避开詹姆斯。例如,当我们出去散步时,拒绝握住他的手。当詹姆斯去拥抱他时,甚至将他推开。要求我在睡前给他读书。“No daddy! Mummy.”是常规的轮换。现在,这听起来似乎没什么大不了的,但是当它持续进行了几个月和几个月时,请相信我。它穿在詹姆斯身上,詹姆斯只是想度过一天的时间,能够在他喜欢的时候给儿子一个拥抱,而不会被小手和尖叫声击中而满足‘no!’. It’s upsetting. It’很伤人但是那时奥斯卡只有两岁,所以我毫无疑问地知道那只是一个(非常漫长的)阶段,他’我会从中成长出来,但事实并非如此’在此期间不要再轻松了。

现在唐’t get me wrong –奥斯卡并非一直如此。但这足以使人流连忘返。

我们唯一可以确定这种行为的原因是,詹姆斯是我们两个人中更严格的一个。当我说严格的时候’know he’一点都不严格– it’更重要的是,他在坚定立场上要好得多,并且说不,直到奥斯卡说完之后,他才会退缩‘sorry’, or ‘thank 您’ or ‘please’ – whereas I’我的意志力变得更加轻率,宠物唇和小狗的眼睛足以让我平息我的任务,以使奥斯卡理解他的行为的错误。

在过去的几个月中,我提高了比赛能力,并尽我最大的努力与詹姆斯站在一起,共同寻求举止,对孩子的理解和尊重。但是男孩是一场战斗,男孩感觉像这样’对我来说太少了,太晚了。

就像土地上的每两岁孩子一样,奥斯卡很好时,他’哦,太好了。但是当他’s bad, well…

I would absolutely love to hear from any of 您 who have met this challenge or are currently tackling the issue of disciplining a sometimes unruly toddler. And if any of 您 who have experienced the problem of 您r child favouring one parent over the other for an extended length of time – I’d be so grateful to hear how did 您 dealt with this, and 请 tell me there is an end in sight?!


While I have 您

I’m delighted to have been shortlisted in the Parenting Bloggers category for the upcoming Northern Blog Awards. If 您 enjoy reading my 博客 it would mean the world if 您’d 请 take a couple of minutes to vote for me {这里}。

Thank 您 so much! 朱尔斯 xx


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  • Y’know, it’真有趣。我确实考虑过。实际上很多。
    We’现在处于一个阶段,在我们在一起的八年中,我们一直都知道我们想要孩子。它’令人兴奋,我们的见识天堂’对此没有改变。但是,随着时间的流逝,成为父母越来越成为现实。这不’别吓us我们,但不管别人是否认为它是自私的,我们都热爱自己的生活,也热爱两人的身体和经济自由。
    I think D will be more 严格 than myself. I just hope baby L get his hair haha xx

    • 您’re still newlyweds and should enjoy that time and do all the things 您 love to do together like travelling and eating out and going to the cinema and holding hands and staying out late and getting up late and EVERYTHING! Enjoy it all I say. We did. And 您 still get to enjoy those things when 您’重新父母,但情况会有所不同。太不同了– so lap up each other and 您r 这里 and now, and then when the time is right 您’重新感到幸福,因为这为人父母的百灵鸟可能很血腥,但这确实是最不可思议的事情xxx

  • 我刚满4岁的女儿也有类似的问题。她非常木乃伊’是女孩,而我儿子和我们在一起是50/50。我也觉得我们没有’跟她在一起足够坚强’会对她的行为造成破坏!

    • It’很难说应该是’是吗?但是这项育儿业务很难。真希望对我们俩都有改善。非常感谢您阅读Garry

  • 对不起’一个职位,但我’我绝对不是我以为的父母’d be but I hope I’我孩子需要的父母

    Decide on exactly what the boundaries are between 您 (maybe five things) and then both patrol those boundaries. But remember 您’会做得很棒–告诉詹姆斯不要对两岁的孩子发脾气。

  • 我们都在为人父母和纪律作斗争,但是一开始我决定结交朋友,看着那些看起来做对了事的家庭–我不仅钦佩他们,而且还发现与孩子一起出去玩不会伤害我的孩子。我也读过很多关于育儿的文章–有些资料很棒,有些则不是。我知道我开始养育子女之前是很努力的–但是我不知道–我说对了吗?–我喜欢认为自己做对了一些事情,但我也知道,我做错了一些事情– hang in there!

    • 非常感谢Mary-Jane。目前正在做一些自我阅读,也只是和朋友谈论很多有关他们如何管理事物以及对他们有用和不可行的事情。’工作。一切都有帮助! xx

  • 这听起来像我们目前正在进行的斗争。一世’我是双胞胎男孩的木乃伊(22个月!),我一直以为我’d be the ‘strict’我们两个中的父母。但是,我’感到羞愧的是,有时候我让他们千方百计地走开,只是为了保持和平,喝杯咖啡。这在如今的日常生活中显而易见… and I’ve got no idea how I’我要改变它!
    我的男孩几乎总是‘favoured’在安静的时刻,当他们想要一个故事或拥抱时,我。一到外面跑来跑去,他们就知道爸爸会更有趣!
    哦,成为父母的快乐…。可爱的诚实博客!

    • Hi 斯蒂芬妮! Thanks so much for 您r comment 这里 – and hat’s off to 您 mama – with twins 您 are super woman to me! I can really relate to what 您 say as I’我一定会时不时地哭泣,以求更轻松的生活或为和平而进行取舍,而不是流泪,或者我所知道的会变成与一个挑衅的小矮人的长期战斗。成为父母的喜悦! xx

  • 看起来很漂亮‘normal’对我来说。我认为大多数父母会同意他们’我已经以某种方式体验了这一点,即使是很短的时间。他’这么强的小人物–也许是一个令人愉快的挑战?

    I’我有很多阶段’ve thought I wasn’成为我最好的妈妈–通常是因为我太忙了。其实我有很多次’我做得不好它’我认为这只是成为妈妈的一部分。

    My boys are 11 and 15 now. The 您ngest is in his last week of primary school and my oldest talks like a man and was taught to shave last week. WTF?! I’我现在对此事非常感动,很想回到幼儿的挑战中–只是一小会儿。我可以’真的不记得当时的情况,这就是为什么我可能会有点想念它的原因– lol.

    神话般的诚实职位再度实现了。

    • Ahh Elaine, 您r words 这里 have got me right in the heart. I cannot even imagine what it will feel like when Oscar is 15. Or even 11. That time feels so far away, and yet I know that it will be 这里 before I know it and I’ll be yearning for my baby to be a baby. 您’re doing a marvellous job lady. Those boys of 您rs – I’ve never even met them yet I know they are an absolute credit to 您. And yes 您 are right –他绝对是个坚强的小人物! xxx

  • I sympathise greatly with 您 as a family and James. In our family it was my husband who my daughter 偏爱 and I was being pushed away and shouted ‘no’ at on a regular basis. I have spoken to a lot of people about this and found it often happens that the father is the parent being shunned. I only know of one other mother who has experienced this. It is so heart braking and one of the hardest things I have had to deal with. 您 are doing the right thing by trying to parent equally, although this is easier said than done as 您 are two different people and he will get to understand that too in time. For us it lasted about one year and got better when she was about three and a half. I am not sure if it was a contributing factor but we had a second baby when she turned three 和我 suddenly wasn’这样对她有用!它将变得更好,与此同时,给詹姆斯一些额外的拥抱! X

    • Ah 莎莉 thank 您 so much for sharing 您r story 这里. I’ve thought about 您r words a lot since 您 first posted them and it’真的帮助我了解了詹姆斯的情况’的立场,并向我强调需要将其扼杀在萌芽状态。一世’m so 抱歉 that 您 went through this 您rself, but also very 请d to hear that it eventually subsided for 您, though a year is such a long time. It’对我们来说已经六个月了,我可以’不能想象它还会持续六个月–祈祷它没有’t! Much love to 您 and 您r family lovely, and thank 您 truly for taking the time to read and comment 这里 x

  • I find it so interesting when 您 say that 您’re ashamed to admit 您’不是严格的,因为我’在完全相反的地方。一世’我为我感到羞耻’m the 严格 one, because just like when 您 talk about ‘the parent 您 think 您’ll be’. This wasn’我以为我会的父母。我不能’想象不到提高我的声音,坚定或上帝禁止向我的孩子们大喊大叫。但是,我在这里扮演父角色。它没有’不会经常发生,但是当我确实需要严格时,是的,这会对他们的行为产生积极影响,并迅速将其扼杀在萌芽状态,但是我’m感到内rack,感到内rack。我没有’t want to be the 严格 parent, if that makes sense?! Mikey and I recently had to chat about him using me as a threat. I get it, do 您 want me to tell 您r mum? Works a treat for him. But goodness does it hurt overhearing that.

    我觉得’s most important is 您 and James are such a solid unit, and together 您’ll figure the balance out. Just know 您’re not alone, and we’重新弄清楚这个育儿malarkey在一起xxxx

    • Claire oh my goodness do 您r words pull at my hearts strings and really make me think. 您 are right – I think whichever role we find ourselves falling into as parents, we are going to have a battle with ourselves over it. Just as well we are all in this together and w can talk it out. Thank 您 so much for 您r words 这里 and also for 您r text right after 您r read this the other night. Bloody love 您. 您 lady, are an amazing mother to those two beautiful, well turned out, polite, adorable and positively delightful little gentleman, and don’t 您 ever forget it xxx

  • Never considered myself a spoiler, but being with 您r 孩子们 是不同的,具有挑战性的。我相信,诀窍是要设定界限,在保持友善的同时坚定立场。顺便说一句,这是一个如此诚实和令人敬畏的帖子,谢谢分享! --

  • 我确定我’d read this but I think it was the email version! A brilliant post, as 您 know darling. Don’t feel bad, we’都血腥一样!一世’m super 严格 with Ollie (sometimes I worry too 严格 :-/) and he still does this to Col all the time, maybe it’s a boy thing haha. 您’重新一个令人难以置信的妈妈xxx

  • 如此出色的帖子,将引起众多父母的共鸣!一世’m pretty 严格 with Hugo although 您 wouldn’难道他有一半的时间不守规矩吗?雨果做了一点,但是它可以从一个时刻变成另一个他想要的人。
    I would maybe not tend to his requests so much and maybe 您 become 严格er when he’s not being nice to daddy or maybe 您 comfort James with big hugs and kisses in front of Oscar and see what his reaction is there?! Just a thought. 您’re right though, it’一定会通过我的可爱吗? Xxx

  • 我刚刚读完这篇文章,我的天哪,我在想我’会像母亲一样!
    结婚后,我感到压倒性的压力,期望整个社会普遍生下孩子(而不是父母,朋友或家人),‘well 您’re married now so 您’很快就会有孩子’。有人告诉我,我已经过了巅峰时期(当时我28岁,’我现在才29岁),我自私如父母’•祖父母呢,我的生物钟确实运转良好。现在,对所有这些陈述,我都感到非常侮辱,纯粹是因为当我们决定建立一个家庭时,应该由我和我的丈夫来决定,没有其他人,而且我绝对不是‘past my prime’!!
    That being said, maybe I am putting off having children because of the simple fact, its a terrifying thought! To be responsible for a little person. I often wonder, can I even look after myself, never mind a child who depends on 您 for everything? What if I’一个糟糕的父母吗?如果可以的话’不能处理吗?如果,怎么办,如果怎么办?
    所有这些,如果’s sometimes out way the, get a grip of 您rself, 您’绝对是美好的时刻。我们绝对想要孩子,有一天他们会发生,但现在我们还是有点自私,享受我们2岁以下的生活,时间到了,我告诉自己要振作起来,明白每一个新父母都必须经历相同的思想和过程(我’米假设)。我会那样做!! xxx

    • 祝福你的心可爱。你不自私!你是新婚的你’仍然只是在您20多岁的时候。我们在27岁结婚,而我在32岁时获得奥斯卡奖。五年来最好的时光,我面对着与您相同的评论,一个人告诉我‘you’re not getting any 您nger’ another saying ‘do 您 not want 孩子们 anymore then?’人们可能如此无所事事。另外,当我们确实怀孕时,我有两个人问我这是否是试管婴儿怀孕。由于我们以来的时间长’d结婚了,他们以为我们’d努力构思。事实是,我们很享受两人的时光。那不是’是时候让我们生孩子了,我们没有’t feel ready – I like 您 was overwhelmed and scared at the idea of it all. So 您 relax Helen. Enjoy 您r time together, because boy does it change when 您 are parents –事情将不再相同–但是要知道,这样做是有好处的,因为生孩子是最疯狂,最全力以赴的– but most AMAZING thing to experience. 您 guys will be wonderful parents, when the time is right for 您. In the meantime, raise a glass to all the naysayers. It’s non of their business, this is 您r life. Love 您! xxxx